Have you ever seen someone completely lose control in a negotiation? Perhaps you inadvertently pushed one of their emotional buttons, and they let loose with a stream of invectives. Or perhaps they just suddenly started crying. Of course, perhaps it was you who lost...
A successful lawyer, she had left her practice to start a family. And she loved it, but it was a tough adjustment. While practicing law, she had staff who reported to her and she made decisions affecting thousands of people. At home, she discussed most significant...
“On several occasions I got so angry at the other side’s actions that I wrote a nasty e-mail and shot it off. Fortunately, it didn’t destroy the negotiations. But I’m worried my temper will cause bigger problems next time. What should I do?” This comment, from a...
I recently hired a new executive assistant and one thing came through loud and clear in her interviews – one of our most important mutual interests was our potential compatibility and our respective attitudes toward our responsibilities. She also brought a very...
A consulting client recently accepted a very attractive offer to settle a lawsuit despite their pretty accurate analysis that the case – if they took it through trial – would almost certainly result in a much better result. This seems illogical. Yet they were quite...
“I feel so committed to my client that I have a really hard time being objective and analytical in my negotiations on their behalf,” a lawyer told me recently. “I really take things personally. What should I do?” This issue, which can also impact those negotiating for...
You walk into a car dealership to buy a new vehicle. A salesman approaches, introduces himself as “John,” and asks how he can help. You say, “I’m looking for a new SUV. My old one is rusting out. It grew up in Minnesota, just like me.” “Really,” John says. “Where in...
Ambassador Dennis Ross, Chief Middle East peace negotiator during the George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton presidencies, has an “empathy rule” in his negotiations. “To gain the hardest concessions,” he writes in Statecraft, “prove you...
I have an eight and a three year old and, like all kids their ages, they can be challenging. So I recently read the classic parenting book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk,” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Interestingly, much of its...
“Do you negotiate everything?” a friend recently asked me. “And even if everything is negotiable, should you? When and where should you turn it off?” These questions raise critical issues all negotiators should consider. First, let’s define what we mean by...
I have been accused by my wife on occasion of negotiating too much – and she is right. Even though I enjoy the process immensely, sometimes I spend too much time and effort trying to get the absolute best deal when I might be better off just walking away or graciously...
It was a “bet the company” deal, so we spent hours putting together a strategic negotiation plan and a detailed request for proposal to develop our software. Then we solicited bids from qualified firms. Five parties bid, and our negotiations began. Around...
